There are numerous reasons for why partners get divorced. Many couples say it’s a combination of factors rather than just one problem. Although at times it may appear to be one significant event, such as with infidelity, there are often many more subtle, hidden reasons that have been putting a strain on the relationship for lengthy periods of time. From learning more about common reasons for divorce, partners can do much to stabilize their marriage and prevent their relationship from being the next statistic.
Let’s get started by looking at some of the more common reasons for divorce:
- Lack of commitment or emotional involvement in the marriage by one or both partners
- Cheating & infidelity
- Too much arguing
- Poor communication
- Inequality in the relationship, particularly surrounding household responsibilities or childcare demands
- Physical and emotional abuse
- Substance abuse issues by one or both partners
- Unrealistic views about what marriage would be like
- Financial problems and disagreements about money
As you can see, divorce can result from a multitude of factors. But if you’re reading this and contemplating a divorce, wait! There’s still hope. You just might be able to turn around a divorce-bound relationship with some old-fashioned hard work and commitment. So, where to begin? Investing time and energy into making the relationship work and working to develop better communication skills are two great places to start. Let’s look at both of these a little deeper:
Start investing time and energy into making the relationship work
People often don’t want to W-O-R-K at marriage. It’s a little four letter word that seems to be getting more and more elusive nowadays. I know that may sound a little inflammatory and may even raise a few eyebrows. But there is a misguided belief that marriage in and of itself will make us happy. Almost like marriage is a separate entity, something outside ourselves that will survive and thrive with little input from us and our partner.
When we go into a marriage with this mindset, we’re almost set up to fail. We soon become disillusioned with marriage and start looking outside ourselves to define the problems in the marriage instead of looking at the situation and asking, “What can I do to make things better?”
Blame often seems to be the path of least resistance. The “blame game” starts and just deepens the emotional void that’s already developing in the relationship. So, while it may be easier to blame your partner, it’s far more productive for your relationship to start looking inward and devoting time and energy into what you can do to strengthen the relationship as opposed to finger pointing.
Start working to strengthen communication skills
Pure and simple, communication issues are almost always a contributing factor in divorce. More and more, people just don’t know how to talk to each other and they know even less about listening. Some of the most important conversations people have are those they have with a spouse or partner. And so often they put so little effort into strengthening their communication skills so thoughts and feelings can be clearly communicated to a partner.
So often in relationships heading for divorce, spouses actually try to avoid conversations for fear they will cause conflict or even more emotional pain. If you can’t openly communicate with your partner, then you obviously can’t solve your marital problems. The quickest, most sure-fire way to build trust in a relationship is to use open and honest communication skills. If simply talking and listening to your partner doesn’t become second nature, then divorce will become more and more likely.
So, while an impending divorce may seem like an unstoppable force, there is still hope if you are willing to put some real effort into making it work. Investing time and energy, as well as developing and using better communication skills, will help you and your partner stop the impending divorce if you really want to. But it takes that icky, yucky little four letter word to make it happen…W-O-R-K!
If you and your partner have tried these tips and divorce still seems on the horizon, it might be time to seek out professional help from a trained Marriage Counselor. Contact us today to see how Marriage Counseling can help you pick up the pieces and get your marriage back on the right track.